But I guess asphyxiation is pretty hot, because why else would so many people be choking themselves out in hotel closets? You can't argue with results.įor this to work, half of the manfellow has to be on the bed. This is pretty good unless you have a sinus issue, in which case you might asphyxiate. I'm not saying that's bad I'm just observing. It's like a strange pogo stick experience that leaves you sweaty and semi-satisfied, but also with a moist ass crack.

In the end (not a pun unless you want it to be), this is more like work than sexy fun super times. Probably shatter a ball or something to boot.Įven the cartoon models look agonized and eager to get this over with. In the end it looks cool, but you need to plot it in the right order, or it'll be all craptastical and fail. Have you ever done a secret handshake with someone? Like a mildly complicated routine you had to plot and rehearse to ensure it was done right? This is that, only with your genitals instead of your hands.

There was some grunting and a few genuine moments of an extreme discomfort that resembled the setup for a flesh catapult, but, in the end, there was no dice. I read the directions too, and I get all the words, but I can read a story about a unicorn shitting golden robots that look like Kevin James - doesn't mean it fits into reality anywhere.ĭue to the logistics of wang hang and vaginal locomotion, this was a complete non-starter. If you, like me, have seen genitals before and where we keep them, the setup for this position may be hard for you to fathom. The step after that is a trip to the emergency room in Block C. Now use the power of your imagination to make his Tab A jigger into her Slot B. So he's straddling her groinal area, facing her feet. The man hops on board, facing away but with bits lined up in an appropriate fashion. How this position works is the woman is supposed to be on her back lying down.

You need to follow along with this one, because it defies good sense and logic. It's like being Jack at the top of the beanstalk and the giant has been replaced with a hot girl, but she still wants to stomp you to death for some reason and won't stop slamming you with her foot over and over until you beg to move on to the next one. If you're not a dancer type who is able to Van Damme your crotch at a moment's notice, even the most sincere effort to make this position work will result not in sexual bliss but in Felix getting kicked square in the breadbasket.

Standing sex position karma sutra